


these kids they lost their graces

by daisydo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sick Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-17 16:21:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4673339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisydo/pseuds/daisydo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes people aren't perfect and sometimes they fuck up and ruin a good thing and sometimes, if they're lucky, they'll find their way back home again.</p><p>Or Harry and Louis haven't spoken in months and no one really knows what's going on. Then there's a perfume shoot, a migraine and a boat and a new period of their lives starts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

”Hey has anyone seen Harry?” Liam walks into the backstage lounge, surveying the room in search of one Harry Styles.

”Nah mate, but he should be here any sec” Niall answers quickly from where he’s putting his t-shirt on in front of one of the full length mirrors standing against the wall.

There are a couple more shakes off the heads and negatives from around the room. Lastly Liam looks towards Louis who is lounging in one of the leather couches, eyes intently focused on his iPhone.

”Lou?” Liam asks again.

Louis quickly looks up at Liam, shakes his head and brings his concentration back to his iPhone. Liam sighs and leaves it to someone else to find Harry in time for the show. It wasn’t really his job to find Harry, he just wanted to ask him about trying out an alternative ending for _You and I_ instead of just winging it.

He walks back out into the corridor, paces back and forth a couple of times to get his energy level up while he keeps his voice warmed up by singing a couple of random tunes.

”Five minutes boys! Let’s head over!” the familiar warning is worded by someone in the lounge and Liam does one more review of the location to see if Harry was there yet.

It wasn’t very rare that they rushed off to stage in a hurry, with only a couple of minutes to spare, in fact it happened almost every time. But it usually wasn’t Harry. It was more of a Louis or Liam thing to do if he was honest. Harry was always so respectful and punctual and on schedule, something which Liam really admired.

There’s a familiar slap on his shoulder as Louis raced by ”Ready Payno? Let’s go!”, his vans pattering against the floor as he runs towards the venue.

”Where the hell is Harry?” a tour manager finally realizes and Liam must admit he’s getting a little nervous.

But then, in perfect rock star fashion Harry emerges from seemingly nowhere and is already jogging ahead of Liam towards the venue. ”Sorry!” he says, his hands drawing through his long hair to ensure his signature look. Liam smiles and follows suit, ready to get out there and do what he likes best.

* * *

 

Concluding the show and turning your back to thousands of screaming fans was never a great feeling. Niall loved to perform and he always wanted to make sure the fans get the best experience possible. But logically he knew he couldn’t just continue with the show until every single fan was satisfied, even though he sometimes wished he could.

Backstage after a show was always wonderfully calm and quiet compared to before the show, unless someone (often Louis) still has enough energy to joke around and start yet another silly-string fight. But tonight everyone was absolutely knackered. It had been a really hot evening and Niall’s clothes were drenched with sweat and he desperately longed after a shower.

He enters the backstage lounge to get an update on when the cars back to the hotel would be leaving. After being informed that it would be another 30 minutes he goes to join Harry, who is sitting on one of the leather couches, sipping a green smoothie.

”Hey” Niall plops down beside Harry, ”What you got there?” he looks at the green drink with extreme skepticism.

”Oh, it’s a kale and apple smoothie, want a taste?” Harry holds out the drink in offering but Niall politely declines. ”I’m good thanks” he says as he stifles a yawn. ”It’s really good for you. I went on this juice cleanse a couple weeks back, when we were on break and I felt that it really made me feel fresher. It’s also great because there are lot’s of these places in LA now like once me and my mate Tom went to this shop-” and that’s where Niall decides to close his eyes and let Harry’s slow, almost raspy words lull him to a semi sleeping state. All Niall had to do was chuckle a little now and then and acknowledge what Harry was telling him about juices and kale and green food and LA shops.

Niall loves Harry he really does, they had grown so comfortable with each other over the years and they truly were best mates. He was often confused with Harry’s public imagine since anyone who spent a reasonable amount with Harry would immediately realize that he was a huge sweetheart goofball, always so polite and interested in anything you had to say. But his stories were sometimes a little boring and long, even if Niall loved him dearly.

* * *

 

Louis quickly changes his shirt in order to get out of his sweaty concert wear and pulls an Adidas jumper over his head. The movement flattens his hair, killing his previous quiff, but he doesn’t really care. He’ rather tired and doesn’t really feel like doing anything except going to bed. He splashes some cold water on his face and decides to go see if he could find Niall or Liam. He’s tired, but he doesn’t want to be bored.

He asks around for Liam only to find out that he and Sofia where somewhere doing god knows what. Someone tells him that Niall is in the backstage lounge so he heads in that direction. ”Niall?” he shouts as he approaches the lounge, hoping to find him there with a Nintendo or something. He shouts the blond’s name again as he enters the lounge and is immediately greeted with a gentle, yet slightly urgent hushing sound. He turns his head and looks over to the leather couch where the only two people in the room are sitting.

”He’s sleeping, I think.” Harry says slowly, glancing at Niall who is sitting beside him, head tilted back and mouth slightly ajar.

”Oh, shit sorry” Louis finds himself awkwardly standing in the middle of the room, eyes darting back and forth. He opens his mouth to say something but then decides not to and instead brings his hand up to adjust his bangs. The thought of speaking to Harry terrifies him and it’s the worst feeling in the world.

He thinks he can see Harry open his mouth to say something but he’s already turned his back to the two and is making his way out the door. Sometimes he wonders how the fuck everything could have gone so wrong.

* * *

 

Harry watches Louis make a hasty exit, interrupting whatever he was planning on saying. He didn’t really know what he wanted to say, he just wanted to say something. But now he’s alone in the room again, except for Niall who is softly snoozing beside him. He looks down at his plastic cup to discover that he’s consumed all of his kale-apple smoothie. He sighs and stands up, knees cracking as he does so. He stretches his arms above his head, lifts himself to his tiptoes and extends to his full length as he feels the sore muscles in his back and shoulders extend. He relaxes his muscles again and walk over to the bin to dispose of his now empty plastic cup.

Harry goes over to his leather bag stashed in the corner of the room and takes out a fresh black t-shirt. He slowly pulls his worn one off his body and tosses it into his bag. He walks over to the mirror, clean t-shirt in hand and inspects his hair, deciding it looked a little too messy for wear. He takes a hair band off his wrist and gathers his hair into a bun. When he’s tucked away any flyaway strands and he’s satisfied with the state of his bun he pulls the fresh t-shirt over his head and goes back to organizing his bag. He fiddles around with his belongings for a while, checks his phone and has a couple drinks of water before someone announces that the cars are there to take them back to the hotel.

He walks over to Niall who is still sleeping on the couch and gently shakes his shoulder. ”Cars are here” he announces when Niall’s eyes open. Niall yawns and gratefully accepts Harry’s stretched out hand that pulls him up into a standing position.

They make their way over to the black cars waiting for them. Harry, Niall, Louise Teasdale in one, Louis and a couple other crew member in another and Liam and Sophia in a third. Harry struggles to keep his eyes open as they speed through the unfamiliar city.

* * *

 

Their next concert isn’t until in a couple of days but they still have things planned for the next day. Their new perfume has a blue look instead of a pink look so logically the commercial should be filmed on a boat.

Liam is rather excited, he has always loved boating and outdoor activities and is definitely not complaining about spending an entire day out at sea shooting scenes for the commercial. The one downside to the day of filming was that they had to get up crazy early because apparently the light at see is at its best earlier in the day. That meant getting up at 4 am to have time to get to the location, get dressed, do hair and makeup and set up the camera equipment.

It’s a sleepy bunch of people that make their way from the hotel to the black cars waiting for them. Liam gets in the first car, settling down comfortably, preparing to take a nap in the period of time it’s going to take them to drive to the harbor. The door opens again and Harry stumbles inside, looking extremely tired.

”Morning Styles!” Liam smiles, being in a rather good mood despite the hour. Harry mutters something in reply and slumps down into the seat. Harry’s hair is up in a bun and he has a pair of sunglasses on that are apparently still needed inside a car. He brings his hand up to his forehead and his long fingers start gently massaging his temple.

”You feeling alright mate?” Liam suddenly sees how pale Harry looks, despite the tan he has gained from being in a sunny climate for their current leg of the tour.

”Migraine or something.” Harry mumbles back, head tilted down.

Liam winces in sympathy, ”Aw mate that sucks, you need some painkillers or something?”

Harry shakes his head, ”Got it all covered, thanks though.” He straightens out his posture and leans back in his seat, breathing slowly and heavily.

Liam casts one more glance at Harry before leaning his head on the window and falling asleep.

* * *

 

Louis stumbles out of the car and shivers at the cool breeze that hits his bare arms. The sun is just starting to go up and the early morning light illuminates the harbor in shades of gold, orange and pink. Seagulls fly back and forth between the masts of the many sailboats moored in the harbor. Louis closes his eyes and takes a deep breath of the fresh ocean air, filling his lungs with it and almost tasting the saltwater on his tongue.

He makes it over to hair and makeup, located in a trailer parked at the edge of the harbor, and plops down in his seat, ready to get all fixed up for the photo shoot. As a stylist gets going on his hair he glances down at his tattoo, the one of the compass, gently tracing his fingers over the ink. Someone once told him never to get meaningful tattoos because everything meaningful in your life would eventually disappear and you wouldn’t want something inked on your skin to constantly remind you of that. Louis was never a good listener. Instead he covered his body with little drawings, all of them representing something that meant the world to him.

He would be lost without his compass. He never regretted that one.

He glances to his right and sees Liam and Niall seated in their own chairs in front of the huge, light up mirror. Harry is nowhere in sight, but that doesn’t really have anything to do with him. He leans back and closes his eyes as gentle hands fiddle with his hair, brushing it back and forth, applying products Louis doesn’t even know the name of, a comfortable routine.

* * *

 

Niall shuffles out of the hair and makeup trailer, stretching his arms above his head, basking in the warmth of the newly risen sun. Suddenly someone bumps into him and he struggles to find his balance as he has to grab a hold of Harry’s arm so he doesn’t fall over. Harry was always a clumsy one.

”Sorry” Harry mutters, sounding absolutely drained.

Niall cautiously let’s go of Harry’s arm, ”You better go and get hair and makeup done, Louis and Liam are already down by the boat.”

”Yeah, gonna go do that now.” Harry straightens out and turns to head up the short set of stairs to the trailer. Niall notices how he’s still seemingly unsteady on his legs, clutching a water bottle in one hand, the other wrapped around his middle.

”Hey mate you okay?”

”Yeah, I’m fine, just a little tired” Harry answers over his shoulder, disappearing into the trailer.

It _was_ early and everyone is a little tired, Niall thinks to himself as a he stifles yet another yawn and heads over to the boats.

* * *

 

Louis is just about to throw another piece of seaweed at Liam when someone announces that they’re ready to start filming. The first scenes are supposed to picture the boys casting off, preparing to leave the harbor for a ride on their boat. Louis is supposed to stand at the wheel while Niall and Liam undo some knots that none of them are familiar with and Harry’s task is to carefully study a sea chart.

Harry arrives to set just in time and Louis immediately sees that something isn’t right. He may not have had a proper conversation with Harry in months but there’s no one in the world he knows better than Harry. As Harry climbs up onto the boat from the dock he winces slightly and brings his hand up to rub at his temple. Louis is pretty sure he knows what’s up. The last couple of years Harry had started getting migraines that would appear no more than once every two months but they truly were a pain in the ass. He had seen a doctor about them and was informed that they weren’t dangerous at all but could be triggered by things like red wine and extreme heat. Or they just decided to manifest themselves at the most unfortunate times, like on Valentine’s Day last year. They had spent the whole day in bed with the lights off, Harry cuddled to Louis chest. It hadn’t been too bad.

Harry takes a seat on one of the seats in the boat, looking absolutely miserable, waiting for the director’s orders. Louis wants to reach out and comfort him, the thought of Harry in pain making his heart ache to the point where it’s physically difficult to keep himself from stroking a comforting hand through Harry’s hair.

The director starts speaking and Louis finds his eyes constantly trailing back to Harry, wanting to make sure he’s still all right.

Suddenly it was time for them to take their positions and Louis goes over to the steering wheel. He has no idea how to use it but he was told to just turn it a little bit while they film him. So they start filming Louis, his hair in a neat quiff, dressed in tight navy blue pants and a simple white t-shirt, supposedly steering the boat out from where they are docked. He puts a hand up over his eyes and peers out over the sea, trying his best to imitate a confident captain. They’re done after a couple of shots and move on to Liam and Niall who untie and throw ropes all over the place until the director is satisfied.

Finally it’s Harry’s turn to film his scenes where he studies the map. He removes his sunglasses that he had been wearing this whole time and takes his place at the front of the boat, map in hand. Harry looks stunning, he always does. His hair is flowing in the wind and the almost see through cotton shirt he’s wearing has several buttons unbuttoned, revealing the black ink of his tattoos underneath. He’s wearing his signature black pants together with his also now signature brown ankle boots. He looks like a fucking god and Louis was ready to get down on his knees and pray right there and then.

Nonetheless, Louis can’t help but notice how Harry is a little paler than usual and how there’s noticeable tension in his face.

”All right guys we’re going to drive out a little bit now to get some shots of you guys on the open sea. So everyone just make yourself comfortable and enjoy the ride.” The director announces as some actual professional boat people take over and start prepping the boat for departure.

It’s a rather big sailboat with several cushion covered seats and a long stretch of deck in the front. There’s a small inside space with a tiny kitchen, a toilet and a couple of beds but it’s all occupied by camera equipment and hair and makeup tools.

Louis sighs and tries not to worry too much about the very pale Harry. He puts his shades on and takes a seat beside Liam, enjoying the view of the newly risen sun as they putter out from the harbor.

* * *

 

Liam stretches his legs in front of him as he adjusts his sunglasses. He glances over to Louis who is sitting next to him, looking out over the ocean. Niall is speaking to the guy driving the boat and Harry is sitting to his left, looking pretty miserable.

Liam still had trouble comprehending that Harry And Louis was no longer a thing. While the last couple of months had produced several successful shows there was something strained about the way the band functioned. After Zayn left there had naturally been difficulties with getting into their new routine as a four piece. But it had worked and it was with immense gratitude that they saw the fans embrace the new One Direction. But there wasn’t really a way getting around Harry and Louis pretending that the other didn’t exist.

Liam didn’t really know what had happened between the two. He could guess what some of the reasons were but of course he didn’t know any details. The weeks before had been a couple of intense weeks filled with meetings, planning and drafting contracts and they had all been in a bad mood. And it hadn’t gotten better when Louis had announced to him and Niall that he didn’t really feel like talking about Harry at all.

Liam thought he knew what the issue might have been. One night about a year ago Harry had voiced his concerns to Liam. He had told him how difficult it was to hide such a big part of him. He had said that he always tried to stay true to himself but that he felt that he wasn’t doing it by staying in the ”closet”.

Liam had comforted him and told him that it would get better and also encouraged him to talk to people about possibly coming out soon, more specifically to talk to Louis, who after all was in the same position.

And now they weren’t together anymore for the first time in the history of One Direction and it was hitting them pretty hard. Louis had started drinking much more, constantly going out to clubs and behaving rather recklessly. Liam had had to come pick him up a couple of times and it was never a pretty sight. One night a very drunk Louis had whispered every so quietly that he was ”so fucking lonely” and it almost broke Liam’s heart.

Harry had become more subdued than usual. He was always his usual sunny, happy self for the fans, always making sure everyone was having a good time. But backstage he often kept quiet and stayed on his phone or read a book. He often opted out of any group activities that Niall would suggest and went to LA as soon as he had the chance.

Liam was rather sad about the whole situation but there wasn’t much he could do about it.He had tried to ask Louis about it but got a rather aggressive ”Fuck of Payno” back, followed by an attempt to start a water fight. When he asked Harry about it Harry would look away, sigh, shrug, and try to change the topic.

Liam had discussed the whole thing with Niall and they had agreed that there wasn’t much they could do except make sure that they were there for the boys when they needed them. Liam secretly refused to believe that this was the end of one of the most amazing relationships he’s ever seen. He was positive that the two would find their way back to each other eventually.

Liam is brought back to the presence as he feels movement beside him. He looks over and sees Harry bending forward, putting his head between his knees and groaning miserably.

”Hey you alright mate?” Liam puts a comforting hand on Harry’s back, feeling how tense he is. Harry just groans in response and lets his head hang between his knees.

”He’s got a migraine” Louis said sharply beside him, suddenly super alert ”I think”, he ads after an uncertain glance.

”Uhm yeah, I know, he mentioned he wasn’t feeling well this morning” Liam rubbed his hand over Harry’s back.

”Hey, Harry you alright?” a makeup person suddenly approaches them.

”Get him some water yeah?” Louis asks, his knees twitching nervously.

Liam glances over to Louis, wondering if he was going to do anything. Someone comes over with some water and hands it to Harry who slowly sits up and opens the water with shaky hands, taking small sips. He clenches his eyes against what Liam is guessing is a really bad headache.

”Oi!” Louis gestures to a crewmember, ”You think we could just like film it now and get it over with? Think this one would like to get back to shore as soon as possible” Louis gestures towards Harry with his thumb.

The director steps forward, glancing at Harry who is now leaning back, his arm draped over his eyes.

”We really only have today. You boys are busy almost every day the next couple of weeks and we need the commercial ready for the launch of the fragrance”

Louis shoots him a look that could kill.

”But…” he continues, ”I suppose we could start the shooting now. We’re not quite as far out as I would have liked us to be but we’ll make it work. Let us just get the cameras set up yeah?”

Louis gives him a nod of approval and turns his attention back to Harry. He turns to face Liam, ”Ask him if he needs any painkillers”.

The moment the words leave Louis' mouth he realizes how messed up everything is. He needs to ask Liam to ask Harry if Harry needs painkillers. He is incapable of even saying five words to the fucking love of his life. He swallows at the lump forming in his throat.

Liam hesitates before Louis clears his throat and stands up, walking over to sit beside Harry.

”Harry?” he asks hesitantly. ”You need any painkillers love?”

The term of endearment slips out of his mouth before he can think.

”Took one 10 minutes ago, s’not really helping” Harry sounds utterly miserable and Louis doesn’t really consider it an option not to bring his hand up to Harry’s hair, carefully massaging his head. His other hand goes to Harry’s back, rubbing up and down over the tense muscles.

Harry sighs and leans in to Louis’ touch, placing his head on Louis’ shoulder. Louis doesn’t know if they should be doing this, doesn’t know if Harry would want them to do this if he had a clear head. But in the moment Harry needs him and that’s all that matters.

Liam clears his throat and stands up to leave, ”Gonna go find some more water”, he explains and walks away, smiling at the sight of Harry in Louis’ arms.

* * *

 

His head is pounding horribly and he feels like he could throw up any moment and the noises and the light and the movement of the boat isn’t helping one single bit. But then Louis is there and suddenly Harry has something to grab on to, something to anchor him and secure him. He presses his nose against Louis’ chest, breathing in the familiar scent. His hand finds Louis’ and he doesn’t know if the tears in his eyes are from the pain of his headache or from the relief of finally feeling Louis beside him again.

* * *

 

Niall is busy trying to understand what all the buttons and switches at the front of the boat are for when Liam comes up beside him.

”Hey mate!” he enthusiastically clasps Liam’s shoulder. ”I’m learning how to be a real captain and all that, isn’t it neat?” he smiles, fiddling with some button.

”Niall you gotta see this” Liam whisper and takes hold of Niall’s shoulders and turns him around to face the back of the boat.

At first Niall looks towards the sky, thinking that Liam might be referencing to some cool bird or some spectacular cloud formations. But then his eyes wander down to the two figures sitting curled up together at the back of the boat. And it’s like a million pounds are lifted off his chest and he smiles a smile that almost makes his cheeks hurt.

”Hah!” he exclaims, ”I fucking knew they weren’t over for good, crazy lads those two.”

Liam laughs and clasps Niall’s shoulders tighter, ”I’m so glad this is so great, Sophia will be so happy to have couple’s dinners again.”

Niall smiles and keeps looking at the two. That’s when he notices that something seems to be wrong, Louis is running a soothing hand through Harry’s hair and Harry’s hand is clutched tightly on Louis’ knee.

”Hey is Harry all right? I don’t think he was feeling very well earlier.”

”Yeah no he’s got a migraine or something. It’ll be fine though, I think Louis knows how to handle it”

”Yeah, those two always know what to do in the end don’t they?” Niall smiles brightly and resumes playing with the buttons, giving Harry and Louis some privacy.

* * *

 

”Hey guys? We’re gonna start shooting some scenes now? Should go rather quickly.”

Louis looks up at the director, nodding gently. ”We’ll be there in a sec.”

”Hey Harry? Love?” he whispers gently, ”We’re gonna shoot some scenes now, think you can manage that?”

He feels Harry take a deep breath and start to straighten out, his head lifting from Louis’ chest.

”That’s it love, just take it easy” Louis encourages reaching for a bottle of water, ”Here, have a drink.”

Harry reaches for the bottle with somewhat steadier hands than earlier and takes big gulps, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down along his long throat.

He finishes and wipes his hand over his mouth. ”Thanks Lou.” he puts his hand on Louis’ knee and gives it a squeeze. He then leans forwards to whisper in Louis’ ear, ”I missed you.” Harry’s breath is hot against Louis’ face and Louis is pretty sure his heart just melted into a warm glob of emotions.

”I missed you too you idiot” Louis smiles the brightest of smiles, brining his hand up to ruffle Harry’s hair.

”Oi! Tomlinson! Don’t you dare!” Lou Teasdale’s shrill voice shouts from across the boat.

”Sorry!” Louis laughs and attempts to righten out Harry’s hair again, tucking some of it neatly behind his ear and swooping the long bangs up in a wave over Harry’s forehead. All the time Harry is staring at him with a look of outmost fondness, until a seagull nearby shrieks loudly and Harry winces against the still very present pain in his head.

”You sure you’ll be all right to do this love?” Louis asks, concern in his voice.

”Yeah” Harry inhales through his noise and exhales slowly through his mouth, ”I’ll be fine.”

”All right then.” Louis rubs his hands together and stands up, holding one hand out to help Harry up.

Harry grabs Louis’ hands and _wow_ , it just feels so _right_. With Louis’ hand on Harry’s elbow they walk to the front of the boat where the camera crew is ready for them to shoot the remaining scenes.

* * *

 

The scenes are rather simple really. It mostly consists of them lounging around on the boat, pointing towards things off in the distance and being generally very happy about being on a boat.

It takes about an hour to complete and Louis releases a sigh of relief when they’re finally done. The boat starts making it’s way back towards the harbor and Louis goes up to where Harry is standing alone at the front of the boat, leaving Niall and Liam to finish taking some ’behind the scenes’ videos.

”You feeling alright?” Louis leans against the railing, mimicking Harry’s pose.

”Yeah, a little better.” Harry takes a deep breath, closing his eyes against the ocean breeze, ”Still feel rather sick”.

Louis frowns and places his hand on Harry’s back, softly running it over his tall figure. Harry leans into Louis once again and reaches his hand out to take a hold of Louis’ smaller hand.

There’s sun in his face, an ocean breeze blowing through his hair, and a beautiful boy finally back by his side. Louis feels like himself again.

* * *

 

They make it back to the harbor and Louis helps a very grateful Harry stumble back on dry land. Louis sits with Harry, gently stroking his back until the cars are ready and they can drive back to the hotel.

Harry stumbles into the car, Louis keeping a steadying grip and his elbow, and relaxes into the leather seats. Louis can see Liam and Niall smiling brightly at them from where they’re climbing into their car, those two lovable idiots. He gets in and sits down next to Harry, wrapping his arm around him and allowing him to rest his head on Louis’ shoulder, falling asleep within seconds.

Louis smiles and hopes that this reunion can play out as simple as it seems.

* * *

 

Harry still feels very sick and dizzy and his head is still pounding but there’s a Louis Tomlinson beside him who is gently gathering his hair into a bun and Harry can’t help but smile as he sits on the edge of the bed clad in a soft pair of boxers and his favorite sleeping shirt. Once Louis is done he gently pushes Harry to make him lie down in bed and then climbs in after him. He turns of the bedside lamp, emerging the room into a layer of darkness that he knows will help easy Harry’s headache. He pulls Harry towards him, Harry places his cheek on Louis’ chest and pulls his knee up and puts it over Louis’ thigh. Louis lets himself indulge in Harry’s familiar scent as he let’s his long eyelashes fall down towards his sun kissed skin, finally falling asleep after a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it's really good no one really wants to remember the bad times.

Harry wakes up to the indescribably amazing feeling of being wrapped in someone’s arms. Louis has a gentle hold on him as he lies with his head resting on Louis’ chest, their legs intertwined. Harry revels in the absolute stillness of it all. There’s a gentle beam of sunlight shining through the window and the whole room is covered in a golden glow. He watches Louis’s chest softly rise and fall, his skin golden and radiant. Harry regards the words written across Louis’ chest and decides that _this_ , this is how it always should be. The two of them against the world. In the arms of his first love Harry feels invincible.  

Louis makes a sound that can only be described as utterly adorable. Harry glances up as his face, Louis’ long eyelashes are beautifully layn out against his soft cheek and his hair is in a perfectly messy bedhead. Louis takes a deep breath and let’s his eyes open slowly. Harry watches as those familiar piercing blue irises are illuminated in the golden morning light. Louis glances down at where Harry is snuggled against his chest and smiles brightly.

”Morning love” Harry rasps out in that wonderfully sexy morning voice that would brin Louis to his knees if he wasn’t already lying down.

”Morning gorgeous” Louis replies, ”Feeling better?”

”Yeah” Harry yawns and closes his eyes again, nuzzling closer to Louis’ chest, ”Much. Just needed to sleep it off.”

”Hey Haz?”

”Mmm?”

”I missed you”

Harry looks up again, straight into Louis’ eyes ”I missed you too Lou, so much. I missed waking up with you and I missed your smile and you eyes” Harry speaks slowly, with outmost sincerity, ”But you know what I missed the most?” Harry’s mouth suddenly stretches out into a cheeky grin.

”No, Haz, what did you miss the most?” 

”Your cock.”

Louis’ loud laugh fills the entire room, accompanied by Harry’s darker chuckle.

”You’re quite something, aren’t you Styles?”

”That’s what people tell me” Harry smirks as he carefully extracts himself from Louis’ arms, slowly pulling himself up on his elbows. He draws his face closer to Louis’, their hot breaths mingling in the shrinking space between their lips. And then Harry’s warm, slightly swollen lips meet Louis’ and the act is so familiar, it feels like something they’ve been doing for centuries. Harry goes ever so gently as his tongue tickles against Louis’ bottom lip and Louis slowly opens his mouth wider to let Harry’s tongue slip in.

Harry lets one of his big hands gently caress Louis’ chest as Louis brings one of his slightly smaller hands up to cup the side of Harry’s face, the tips of his fingers playing with dark strands of curly hair.

Harry moves his face back an inch, their lips parting in a gentle sigh, ”I love you” he says and presses a gentle kiss against Louis’ neck. ”I love you” he says again and places one further down. ”I love you” he whispers as his lips brush Louis’ collar bone. ”I love you” he says again and again between the soft kisses that he places all along Louis’ chest, slowly moving down.

Louis lets out a sound somehwere between a laugh, a cry and a moan.

”I love you so much” Harry says slowly as he draws his hands over Louis’ hips and down towards his thighs, hooking his fingers in the edges of Louis’ boxers as he does so.

Once he’s got them out of the way he brings his hands in to gently stroke the inside of Louis’ thighs. Louis closes his eyes against the sensation, his mouth slightly open and lets out a faint moan.

And then Harry’s long fingers wrap around the base of Louis’ shaft, gently tugging downward while his other hand goes to stroke Louis’ oh so sensitive balls. Louis is pretty sure he’s died and gone to heaven where’s he’s been greated by the god that is Harry Styles’ hands. Harry brings his other hand up to wrap around Louis’ cock and slowly starts moving them up and down. Then his hands are gone and Louis only has a second to be disappointed until there’s a very hot tongue tracing the length of his now very hard cock.

”Fuck you Styles” Louis somehow manages to get out and his eyes flicker down to see Harry’s ever so pleased grin. 

And the next thing he knows Harry has his lips around Louis’ cock and oh god does that boy have a wonderful mouth.

”Fuck Harry, I’m gonna…”

Louis doesn’t have time to complete his sentence before Louis experiences a sensation so wodnerful he’s pretty sure he’s died in heaven and gone to another heaven even more heavenly than the first one.

He glances up at Harry who is drawing a hand over his mouth, wiping it clean. Harry crawls back up to Louis and presses a tiny kiss to his nose. Louis laughs and Harry smiles a bright, goofy smile.

 ”We should get going, don’t want to get to the venue too late.” Harry’s voice takes a more professional tone but he’s still got that lovable, dorky smile on his face.

”Suppose so” Louis smiles gently and lifts his head for one more kiss, his lips lingering on Harry’s, savoring the feeling of being at home again.

 

* * *

 

 

It would never be quite the same after Zayn left. That wasn’t necisarily a bad thing, thye could be a different band but still be a fucking amazing band. But when Harry and Louis suddenly stopped talking and started acting like strangers, well it had effected all of them.

Niall had always had a close relationship to everyone of the boys but truth was that the closest relationship in the band was the one between Harry and Louis. They had always understood each other in a way that the others didn’t do. So Niall really didn’t understand how things could have become so bad between them. Those months had been like a nightmare for everyone, Harry slowly distancing himself and Louis becoming someone Niall almost didn’t recognize.

So the sigh of relief Niall felt when he saw Louis and Harry finally together again was big enough to ruffle every strand of grass in Ireland. 

And now they were up there on stage, the four of them, singing at the top of their lungs and having an absolute blast. Instead of Louis avoiding Harry at every cost he would occasionally squirt some water at Harry or throw an arm around Harry’s shoulder while they walked down the catwalk together. The end of the show even resulted in a group hug and Niall is pretty sure that no feeling in the world can beat the feeling of your friends’ arms around you and a sea of thousands of people cheering you on.

 

* * *

 

 

Harry is in an extremely good mood after the show and his energy level is still remarkably high, despite the couple of hours he just spent running around and singing in the heat. As everyone starts to assemble in the backstage area to pack up and head back to the hotel Harry heads to the bathrooms for a piss. He swings open the door and sees Liam standing at one of the sinks, washing his hands.

”That was a great one wasn’t it?” Harry smiles and gives Liam’s shoulder a clap as he heads for one of the stalls.

”Yeah really was wasn’t it?” Liam says from the other side of the rather flimsy wooden door. ”Hot as hell though, my shirts are stinky.”

Harry chuckles and quickly finished his busines, closing his zipper and stepping out of the stall.

Liam is still standing by the sinks, inspecting his hair in the mirror, where Harry joins him to was his hands. 

”Hey Harry?” Liam asks, turning towards Harry. ”You and Louis, is it all, I mean is it all alright now?”

”Uhm” Harry goes to wipe his hands on a paper towel. ”Yeah, yeah it’s good, we’re good now I think”, but Liam still has a hint of scepticism in his eye and Harry wonders where this is going to lead.

”I was just wondering since you know, I know you hade some issues about you know uhm… all that stuff.” 

Oh. Harry sees where this is going. And to be honest it was something that he really had tried not to think of the last couple of days. Harry had wanted to come out for a long time. He was tired of hiding who he was and he didn’t feel like there was any real reason to do it anymore. When he was younger he was still afraid how it would effect not only him but also the band and anyone who was close to him. But he had matured a lot in the last couple of years and was now fully comfortable with his sexuality. On top of that he felt a responsibility as a public figure, he knew he could be helping a lot of people by coming out.

Louis on the other hand hadn’t been so sure about it, in fact Louis never really expressed a strong will on the matter. When Harry tried to talk to him about it they had somehow always ended up switching topics or not really getting to the heart of the matter. Harry knew that Louis loved him. If there was one thing he could be sure of in this world it was that Louis loved him and that he loved Louis back.

But one night, after reading a particularly nasty headline about himself and some girl, Harry decided that this wasn’t how he wanted to do it anymore. In retrospect it probably wasn’t a good idea to bring it up like he did, both him and Louis were exhausted from weeks of itnense touring and promo and it was way too late at night to have an intelligent conversation.

Yet, he breached to subject to Louis.

”I don’t want to do this anymore”, he had said, ”I need to be me, I need to come out.” Harry had spoken slowly, more slowly than usual, and Louis’ reaction had been instant.

The blood drained from Louis face and he squirmed in his seat on their L.A. house couch. ”I know you do, I know Haz. It’s just, do you really think this is a good time?”

”Why not now? There’s no reason for not doing it now?” Harry had questioned, his row furrowing.

And then it had gotten worse. They quickly spiraled into a conversation that evoked a million emotions at once and suddenly Harry felt like crying and Louis’ whole body was rigid and tense.

”Don’t you love me?” Harry had asked. And he knew it, he knew it the second the words left his mouth, he knew that was the cruelst question he could possibly had asked.

”What the fuck?!” Louis had almost shouted and as he stood up his knee hit the coffee table and his cold and forgotten cup of tea had spilled onto the floor, staining their fancy white rug.

And then there were tears falling down Harry’s cheeks and Louis’ shoulders suddenly schlumped as he spoke, ”I love you so much” and now there were tears on Louis’ cheeks as well, ”I love you _too_ much”, his voice was trembling, ”I don’t think you understand how it feels to love you. I don’t think you understand how it feels to be _me_ and to love _you_. I…” but his voice faded as he took a shuddering breath and turned around and walked out the door, not once looking back.

It took five hours for the tears to stop and a month for Harry to stop automatically taking out two cups of tea from the cupboard. 

”Mate? You allright?” Liam’s voice echoes in the empty bathroom.

”Uhm yeah, no it’s fine. Im gonna, uh talk to him about it. We’re going to figure everything out.” Harry wishes it would be that simple.

”Good” Liam smiles an absurdly adorable smile, ”Missed you guys, we all did”, he clasps Harry’s shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze before exciting the bathroom.

Harry takes a deep breath, composes himself and splashes some cold water on his face.

It was Harry and Louis, of course they would work it out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but effective chapter! I hope you liked it - comments are always appreciated. 
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr - http://clumsyharrystyles.tumblr.com/
> 
> all the love! xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two important conversations.

Louis is in the shower when Harry sees it. He knows he shouldn’t but he still clicks the link to the article on Yahoo Celebrity. The title reads “Is “Larry” real? Gay rumors come back to life as Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson seem to up their intimacy.” Harry swallows against the tightness in his throat, anxiety clawing at his stomach. He scrolls down and sees a bunch of recent pictures of him and Louis being closer than they would have previously allowed in public. Harry sees some pictures of him looking at Louis with a huge amount of fondness in his eyes, looking absolutely infatuated. He feels sick.

The door to the bathroom opens and Louis steps out, a cloud of steam billowing out behind him. He notices the look on Harry’s face, “You all right?”

“Uhm yeah, yeah I’m fine,” Harry turns his phone off, placing it beside him on the bed, “Just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Oh okay, sure, go ahead I’m all yours love.” Louis walks over to the dresser and steps into a pair of boxers.

“I’ve been thinking,” Harry suddenly feels very small on the big hotel bed, “About coming out? Maybe we could at least just talk about it?”

Louis is in the middle of putting a t-shirt on, his face covered by the soft material, and Harry can’t read his face for his immediate reaction. But when Louis’ face appears again his eyes are frightened.

Harry panics and immediately regrets bringing the subject up. Now he’s gone done it, he’s messed it all up again. But then Louis’ eyes go soft and he slowly approaches the bed, hopping up to sit beside Harry.

“Thought that would come up eventually.” Louis’ voice echoes in the big room.

Harry relaxes slightly, leaning back against the headboard of the bed, scooting a little closer to Louis.

“I love you,” Harry said, “Always have and always will.”

“You know I feel the same way.” Louis added.

“Yeah I know, I know and I’m so happy.”

“But…?" 

“I just feel like it would do us a lot of good to you know, come out.”

Louis nods and waits for Harry to continue. 

“And not only us like I bet it would help a bunch of people. We’re public figures and I just think that we might actually have an impact.”

Louis smiles and takes Harry’s hand, “Hey Haz can I ask something?”

“Sure.”

“Why didn’t you come out you know, when we had broken up? You had several months to yourself and I wasn’t there to stop you, so why didn’t you do it?”

Harry vigorously shakes his head, curls bouncing around his face. “I could never do that Lou, you know that. My sexual orientation might be a big part of me but the biggest part of who I am will always be you. It’s who I am. I’m yours. And I didn’t feel like myself when you weren’t there and I was so confused and lost and I just couldn’t do it without you. When you weren’t there none of that mattered.”

Louis, for once, was speechless. He couldn’t believe how much he loved this boy. 

“Harry Edward Styles I love you so much I actually don’t know if I want to punch you or kiss you right now.” 

Harry laughs and moves even closer to Louis, resting his forehead on Louis’ shoulder.

“Let’s do it Harold, let’s fucking do it.”

“Are you sure? Because a couple months ago…”

“I’m sure, one hundred percent. I want to be with you and that’s it really, that’s all I care about.”

“I love you so much.” Harry lifts his face and gently presses his lips against Louis’, the two of them exchanging a soft, warm kiss, their lips mingling with the single tear making its way down Harry’s cheek. Harry had always been a sap, Louis loved it.

 

* * *

 

“We’re going to come out.”

At Harry’s words the room immediately erupts into a frenzy of cheers, hugs and happy tears. Niall  hugs Harry for what feels like an eternity while the rest of their touring crew fight their way to Harry and Louis to give them a hug or a congratulatory slap on the shoulder.

“Oh man I’m so happy for you guys I have to tell Soph she’s going to be so happy oh wait and I have to call my mom and I’m just so happy for you” Liam grins as he pulls Louis in for yet another bone crushing hug. After a couple of moments he moves back slightly, his arms still on Louis’ biceps.

“You gonna call Zayn? I’m sure he’d want to know even if I know you guys..”

“Yeah no I’m going to call him tonight. I, uhm, I’ve been meaning to speak to him for a long time actually.”

“Good, yeah good,” Liam nodded, “You guys were so close and I would hate to see you loose that.”

 

* * *

 

After finishing the show everyone headed back to the hotel. Louis asked Harry if he could have their room to himself for a bit while he makes his important phone call. Harry had wrapped him up in a big hug and gone off to Niall’s room to play some video games.

He scrolls down to the bottom of his phone list and pressed the simple “Z” listed as a contact. He checked the time and since Zayn was in L.A. and they were on the east coast it shouldn’t be too late where he was. 

The phone rang for only a couple of seconds before Zayn answered.

“Louis?”

“Hey bro.”

“Louis shit listen I’ve been meaning to call you yeah?”

“Yeah no, me too like really I’m sorry I haven’t.”

“No it’s all good it’s all good. I’m not, I mean I’m not friends with Naughty Boy or anything anymore. I kind of distanced myself from that crowd. Just so you know yeah?”

“Well thank god for that!” Louis laughed in relief.

“Where are you guys right now? I saw some pictures from last night, the show looked sick.”

“We’re somewhere on the east coast, not really sure where to be honest. And yeah it was pretty sick, really loud crowd and all that and I got Payno real good with the water guns.”

“That’s my boy! How are the rest of the guys? I haven’t really spoken to anyone except a couple of texts with Niall.” 

“They’re all great. Liam and Soph are going strong and Niall is his usual cheery self.” 

“And Harry? I know you guys had a rough couple of months. Uhm, Niall told me.”

“That’s actually one of the reasons I’m calling.”

“Why? Is everything okay? Is Harry okay? Did the media people do anything? Those fucking bastards!”

“No, no! Zayn chill, listen it’s not bad it’s actually really good news.”

“Oh, well spill it then!”

“We uh, we got back together. And everything is actually really great, better than ever. And you know how Harry has been wanting to come out for the longest time? Well we’re doing it. We’re coming out, together.”

Zayn is silent on the other end while Louis nervously holds his breath. 

“Oh my god Lou, that is. That is just wow – that is fucking amazing. I’m so fucking happy for you guys like there are actual man tears in my eyes.”

 Louis smiles as Zayn keeps babbling about how happy he is.

“Lou listen we have to meet up soon okay?” 

“Yeah let’s do it as soon as possible. I can’t believe I haven’t seen you in several months.”

 “Same. You going to L.A. soon?”

“We’re flying there in a week! We’ve got a couple of weeks off so we’re going to stay at the house there and do some writing and stuff. Think Liam and Soph are coming for a while too, don’t know about Niall yet.”

“Awesome! We’ll have to meet up then – I’ve got this sick new Mercedes that you’ve gotta see.”

“Sounds great. I’ll text you?”

“Yeah do that. I’m so fucking glad that we’re over all that shit now like fuck I missed you Lou.”

 “I missed you too you fucking looser.”

“Well okay I’ve gotta go but say hi to the boys from me?”

 “Will do.”

“Love you man.”

“Love you too, bye.”

“Bye.”

Louis takes a moment to marvel over the fact that his life was pretty fucking amazing right now. But sometimes Louis can’t help but be a little nervous when things seem to go way too well.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Coming up is the process of planning the coming out along with a couple of difficulties.
> 
> All the love, C x

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Hope you enjoyed it! As this is my first time writing these characters I would really appreciate your feedback, so kisses to anyone who leaves a comment!
> 
> Come say hi to me on tumblr - http://clumsyharrystyles.tumblr.com/ !
> 
> All the best, C xx


End file.
